One gloomy day in
February, I gazed into the screen of my work computer and searched the depths
of my brain. This was the day that we had to submit our Performance
Plan, Professional Goals, and Personal Development Plan, and I simply could not
think of anything to say relevant to my job. We had some boiler-plate
items cascaded down from upper management that we were supposed to figure out
how to apply to our particular role and we were also supposed to generate
several actionable goals to achieve before the end of the year, at least two we
felt were easily attainable and one “stretch” goal that would help us in moving
up the corporate career ladder.
In all honesty, since starting this job three years ago, I had never been very good at writing and reporting within the company’s corporate performance management system. My previous employers had never really required such intensive performance assessment procedures and I found it to be a rather abstract process. And if you know anything about Meyers-Briggs personality types, you know that an ISFJ such as myself does not function well in the abstract world. It seemed like most of my coworkers went through the motions of putting down something that sounded good and revising and editing everything towards the end of the year to reflect what they had actually accomplished. This reactive approach seemed to me to negate the entire concept of setting and achieving goals within the company system. Other than driving decisions regarding who received pay raises and bonuses, the company's performance management approach seemed quite useless.
Additionally, struggling to define what goals I should work for this year made it hard for me to figure out where I fit within the company culture and if I even made an impact. When I thought about the goals I really wanted to achieve, none of them were related to my current job. I didn’t have a burning drive to move up the ladder or into a management position. I had already thought and explored some alternatives for engineers within the company and I really couldn’t see myself in any of those positions. Instead, I kept thinking about what it would be like to have the flexibility and freedom to work from home, to schedule my child’s doctor appointment for any time of the day instead of trying to vie for the last appointment with all the other working parents, and to be able to find time for fitness, keep up with the housework, and start supper earlier so that I had more free time in the evenings to spend with my family.
You see, I struggle with the concept of work-life balance, especially since I have a family of my own now, because I find it extremely difficult to keep those two entities, work and life, separate. If you think about it, work is part of life. If you work an average of 40 hours a week, that's one third of your available hours in a traditional five-day work week. And then, if you get an average of 6 hours of sleep a night (not even counting the 8 total hours you are supposed to get), that's another 25% of your available hours. But the thing is... I find myself addressing personal issues during work hours because that's the time that other businesses are open. There's the call I need to make on the medical bill I received and the email from my child's teacher I need to read and respond to, or the parent-teacher conference I need to attend in the middle of the day. And the multiple phone calls and visits to the Social Security Department, the DMV, and the online driver's education school, just to help my child get her learner's permit… There is no possible way I can completely compartmentalize work away from other things going on in my life. And realistically, I find myself struggling week to week. I am stressed out, overwhelmed with life, exhausted to the point that sleep does not always help, and running on caffeine even while I know I need to cut back and improve my diet for health reasons. The fact is, the work-life balance rules of my parents’ day are not working for me. The “I can have it all mantra” is not working for me. Yes, I have it all, but I feel like I’m doing a really crappy job at all of it, instead of being able to excel at some of it.
I try to think about how the thousands of other working women out there manage these things. Each situation is different, obviously. Maybe some families have grandparents that can help out with some of the running, or maybe Mom and Dad have different work schedules so that when one is at work, the other is off. As a teacher, my mom could take me to doctor and dentist appointments in the afternoons after school, but she didn’t have to factor in driving time to pick me up since I went to the same school she taught at. My grandmother didn’t drive, so she would try and schedule her doctor appointments either in the summer when my mom was off or on holidays when school was out but doctor’s offices were still open. The other important difference was that we were all healthy and had no significant medical issues requiring a lot of appointments at that time, whereas my husband has severe Crohn’s disease and my daughter has regular orthodontic and doctor appointments.
Finding a better way to manage life has become a much higher priority than some arbitrary mandatory goals at work. I need a work scenario that will allow me the flexibility to roll with life as it happens, that will flex and adjust for the challenges each new day brings, whether it is a scheduled medical procedure for my husband or spending a full day sewing on a formal dress for my daughter to wear to her friend’s quinceanera. I am not entirely sure what career will help me meet these needs, but I know there are alternatives to the normal 8-5 office job. Regardless, crafting a more integrated life is a goal worth writing down and working to achieve.
In all honesty, since starting this job three years ago, I had never been very good at writing and reporting within the company’s corporate performance management system. My previous employers had never really required such intensive performance assessment procedures and I found it to be a rather abstract process. And if you know anything about Meyers-Briggs personality types, you know that an ISFJ such as myself does not function well in the abstract world. It seemed like most of my coworkers went through the motions of putting down something that sounded good and revising and editing everything towards the end of the year to reflect what they had actually accomplished. This reactive approach seemed to me to negate the entire concept of setting and achieving goals within the company system. Other than driving decisions regarding who received pay raises and bonuses, the company's performance management approach seemed quite useless.
Additionally, struggling to define what goals I should work for this year made it hard for me to figure out where I fit within the company culture and if I even made an impact. When I thought about the goals I really wanted to achieve, none of them were related to my current job. I didn’t have a burning drive to move up the ladder or into a management position. I had already thought and explored some alternatives for engineers within the company and I really couldn’t see myself in any of those positions. Instead, I kept thinking about what it would be like to have the flexibility and freedom to work from home, to schedule my child’s doctor appointment for any time of the day instead of trying to vie for the last appointment with all the other working parents, and to be able to find time for fitness, keep up with the housework, and start supper earlier so that I had more free time in the evenings to spend with my family.
You see, I struggle with the concept of work-life balance, especially since I have a family of my own now, because I find it extremely difficult to keep those two entities, work and life, separate. If you think about it, work is part of life. If you work an average of 40 hours a week, that's one third of your available hours in a traditional five-day work week. And then, if you get an average of 6 hours of sleep a night (not even counting the 8 total hours you are supposed to get), that's another 25% of your available hours. But the thing is... I find myself addressing personal issues during work hours because that's the time that other businesses are open. There's the call I need to make on the medical bill I received and the email from my child's teacher I need to read and respond to, or the parent-teacher conference I need to attend in the middle of the day. And the multiple phone calls and visits to the Social Security Department, the DMV, and the online driver's education school, just to help my child get her learner's permit… There is no possible way I can completely compartmentalize work away from other things going on in my life. And realistically, I find myself struggling week to week. I am stressed out, overwhelmed with life, exhausted to the point that sleep does not always help, and running on caffeine even while I know I need to cut back and improve my diet for health reasons. The fact is, the work-life balance rules of my parents’ day are not working for me. The “I can have it all mantra” is not working for me. Yes, I have it all, but I feel like I’m doing a really crappy job at all of it, instead of being able to excel at some of it.
I try to think about how the thousands of other working women out there manage these things. Each situation is different, obviously. Maybe some families have grandparents that can help out with some of the running, or maybe Mom and Dad have different work schedules so that when one is at work, the other is off. As a teacher, my mom could take me to doctor and dentist appointments in the afternoons after school, but she didn’t have to factor in driving time to pick me up since I went to the same school she taught at. My grandmother didn’t drive, so she would try and schedule her doctor appointments either in the summer when my mom was off or on holidays when school was out but doctor’s offices were still open. The other important difference was that we were all healthy and had no significant medical issues requiring a lot of appointments at that time, whereas my husband has severe Crohn’s disease and my daughter has regular orthodontic and doctor appointments.
Finding a better way to manage life has become a much higher priority than some arbitrary mandatory goals at work. I need a work scenario that will allow me the flexibility to roll with life as it happens, that will flex and adjust for the challenges each new day brings, whether it is a scheduled medical procedure for my husband or spending a full day sewing on a formal dress for my daughter to wear to her friend’s quinceanera. I am not entirely sure what career will help me meet these needs, but I know there are alternatives to the normal 8-5 office job. Regardless, crafting a more integrated life is a goal worth writing down and working to achieve.
