Just as a warning, this post became incredibly long as I wrote it. I've bared open a lot of personal feelings here today in an effort to work through my own struggles. In doing so, perhaps I will reach someone else that is struggling. This morning, I received an email that reminded me that everyone in this world is product of his or her choices. Now, mind you, this was not revolutionary knowledge to me. I do realize in my rational mind that I am where I am because of the choices I have made in the past. And moving forward, in order to reach my short- and long-term goals, I must make every decision and choice now with them in mind.
I've often pondered that setting goals becomes a curiously more nebulous and undefined, and thus harder, process as we go through life. Think about it. When you are very young, your goals are very simple and straightforward: learn to walk, talk, and dress yourself, for example. Then, as you start going to school, you learn to set goals of making good grades and possibly excelling at sports, dance, or some other extracurricular activity. As you get older, the goals naturally turn toward figuring out what you're going to do with yourself when you graduate high school, whether it's going to college, choosing a major, and graduating or entering the workforce. At the next level would be landing that first job which might prove to be really difficult depending on the economic situation at the time. And it's possible that somewhere along in this timeframe, you decided that you wanted to get married and have a family, which is highly dependent on finding the right individual and can prove to be one of the hardest things you do in life.
For me, I experienced a definite lag in goal setting once I started working at my first job out of college. I knew I wanted marriage and family, but other than date, there was not a whole lot I could do to push that goal through until God was ready to answer my prayers. Thinking about my career, though, I remember being so excited to have that first job and breathing a sigh of relief inside to be past that initial hurdle. I wanted to do well and was attentive to those I worked under to ensure I did my best. But once into the actual the day-to-day routine of working and after making it past the initial orientation period of learning tasks, routines, and people, I didn't know how to decide what career goal to set next. I've never had the drive or ambition to climb the corporate ladder. Being CEO before I was 30 (or anytime ever, actually) was never something I was interested in. I suppose there's always additional training, certifications, or licensing that one can work towards. Or maybe one decides to develop a broad work experience, so setting the goal of working through a number of different departments within a company or the industry makes sense. Within the organizations where I worked, I was encouraged to go after my Professional Engineer license. Then, through time and attrition, a space might open up to become a group leader and then eventually mechanical engineering manager. Way down the road, I could try for Director or VP of Engineering Or, if I chose, I could move laterally into project engineering and work toward becoming a project manager and then eventually be a VP of Operations or move into Business Development. Given that most mid and upper level management positions were held by those with 20+ years of experience, I knew that achieving any of those things would be way down the road for me. So, other than get my P.E., I didn't really see anything to try really hard for at the time. And at this point, I still do not have my P.E.
I don't know... for me, I truly don't think I ever got past the feelings I had after I had landed that first job. I just never really knew where to go from there with my career. Nothing really seemed to excite or interest me and I didn't envision a particular path I wanted my career to go. I continued working on my personal goals, though, so it wasn't like I was suffering from complete stagnation. I bought my first car and then later my first house. I explored my outside hobbies and interests, like learning to knit and landscaping my yard, but I never put any more personal effort into advancing my career. I advanced naturally through doing a good job and staying with the company, but I clearly was not actively pushing myself. I started to feel disenchanted and unhappy with my work; I even changed jobs twice because I didn't know if it was the particular company and environment or the work itself that I had begun to dread. And the reality is that none of that helped me feel better about my work and profession.
Now I feel like I'm at a crossroads... I've been terribly unhappy in my job for a long time and I've often tried to figure out a way to leave engineering to go do something else, feeling like engineering as a whole was to blame, that I had been encouraged to go into a field for which I didn't have a natural knack or affinity, that the industry was a trap because once you got in there was nowhere else to go where you could make the same kind of money, and so on. I can't tell you how many personality tests I have taken that reinforced the idea that I am ill-suited for a mechanical engineering career and given that I was already unhappy, I was content to agree with those results and use them as justification that I needed to go do something else. Only I had no clue or idea what that "something else" might be. When I thought of other jobs that I might find interesting, the lower pay, coupled with the cost of additional education that might be required, always became an obstacle. Truly, it's not a good financial investment to spend more money to ultimately make less money. And I confess that the idea of completely starting over in a new career is very daunting. And while personal achievement and enrichment are some of the side benefits, at the end of the day, working is about making a living. Engineering is a great career for getting and staying on your feet financially because of the salary and as long as you are prudent, it allows you greater ability to pay down debt and save from the very beginning of your career than many other jobs. There are times that I have waxed poetic about how nice it would be to be a stay-at-home mom and not have to work, but if I'm truly honest with myself, I like being a contributor to the household income. I like being able to help my family weather the ups and downs of the oilfield and I like having the freedom to occasionally buy something for myself without feeling guilty. Having two incomes enables J and I to have more of the lifestyle that we like, because we enjoy going to the movies or buying a new Bluray, being able to go camping and fishing throughout the year, and having the ability to buy food for our family without having to count every last penny. Despite this knowledge and probably also due to some really stressful times at work currently, I had a moment of emotional breakdown yesterday.
Then, I received this email and read it this morning. I'm going to quote a large part of it here with credit to the author because I really can't think of a better way to express it.
"What
you choose to do now can impact you in ways you may not anticipate down the
road.
The
trouble with making choices, of course, is that sometimes we make bad ones. I
have made some doozies in spite of my resolve not to commit too quickly. Making
mistakes is part of living. I don't know of anyone who has never made a mistake
or who doesn't look back and wonder on occasion what might have been.
I
want to urge you to forego having a pity party about it, though. Learn from
your mistakes, but don't dwell on them. Wasting time and energy on regret is a
misuse of the time you have now. In
every "now moment" you have the choice to do something meaningful or
not. Make good
choices. Think of the future you want and work your way backward if that helps
you decide what you should be doing right now to create the future for yourself
that you want.
Too
many people drift through life waiting for their big break. I don't believe
that breaks come to those who wait, however. I believe they come to the people
who go out and get them--or at least meet them halfway. They put themselves in
the right place, and they are always ready to capitalize on the opportunity
that will move them closer to their dream.
What
do you dream for yourself?
Do you want a better job? A better relationship? Do you want a different house?
I have a friend who is always talking about her dream of living near the water.
She says it is in her DNA and she knows that someday she will live near the
ocean. I have held back from asking her...what are you waiting for? When will
be a better time to move than now?
Do you have a dream of living
in a certain place but have convinced yourself it isn't possible for now? I
already shared with you that my dad died before he could realize his lifelong
dream of seeing the Grand Canyon. He waited too long. Don't make that mistake.
None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. Make your future now by making the
choices that will get you there. And make those choices now."
-Kitty Boitnott of Boitnott Coaching, LLC
I realize I've been in the pity party moment for a long, long time. I'm not proud of that at all. And I've hit a rock bottom place at work where I've accepted that I have to make some changes, whether it's to my attitude or the job itself. I don't know if it truly was a mistake to go into engineering. I know that I've made some wonderful lasting friendships with people I would not have met otherwise. I know that even during economic downturns I have always had a job. I also know that for the first vehicle I purchased, I was able to custom order my dream car. The engineering industry has been good to me even when I haven't always been the most grateful. Ms. Boitnott is correct in stating that focusing on regret is a misuse of time. But she's also not saying, "Hey suck it up, Buttercup! This is life and you'd just better get used to it" She's saying, hey, acknowledge how far you've come and where you are today. Then, figure out where you want to go from here. Stop putting off those goals and dreams that you really want and figure out how to make them happen. And if you don't know what you want and where you want to be, figure it out!
So, I need to spend some time in meditation and prayer about what I truly dream for myself and what it will take to get there, both personally and professionally. I don't have all of the answers about setting goals within my career, but I think it's time that I seriously consider what viable options I have given my current education, work experience and location. I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling miserable in my job and I do have more control over things than I've realized in the past.
