As I write this post, it is
difficult for me to even know where to begin. My absence from the blogging
world is due to many life changes. I wasn't wrong when I said while describing my draping experience that I was at a turning point in my life.
The trigger...
You know, there always is a trigger or two that creates these big shake-down moments and seasons in our lives. It might seem strange, but for me, it started the moment I had my PCA done. Prior to that, I knew I was deeply unhappy with life in general but could not really pinpoint the cause of my unhappiness. So, I started searching for answers by doing something I had always wanted to do. No matter where you are in life, it can never hurt to take an opportunity to cross something off of the bucket list, right? I had always wanted to be draped to know my season, and I'm so grateful I chose to have that done. I let the results marinate for about two weeks and came away with the realization that I truly had been hiding from myself, even trying to BE someone else at times. The person that had been living in the soft, muted or pastel colors didn't really exist. And the truth was, no one else could really see me, either. I had been content to play a supporting role in my own life rather than be the leading lady; with that realization came disgust at myself, followed promptly by full immersion in everything Bright Winter. My mood lifted dramatically and I radiated in the glow of the comments coming my way left and right. I felt beautiful, confident, and capable to tackle anything, including making major life changes. It is hard to imagine how the simple act of changing the colors of one’s clothing and makeup can bring out such courage. I think Christine Scaman says it best in this post.
“If I drew my life on a timeline, many of the important sightings of what I could expect from myself were coincident with appearance changes that brought my real self into view. Those were the breakthrough times. Once I could see myself clearly, I finally knew what I could do. Presumably from the reaction, others see it too, indeed long before I ever did.”
Letting go...
As I said, I really didn’t know all the reasons for my unhappiness, but I decided that I wasn't going to blindly be unhappy anymore. I was ready to figure out the problems and fix them. I knew I was struggling in my relationship at the time. We couldn't seem to agree on the type of life we wanted which caused the relationship not to grow. Things had reached a point of stagnation and complacency where neither one of us brought up the subject. I knew I wasn't living the kind of life I wanted long-term, but I didn't necessarily know how to fix it. Finally, I gave control over to God and plugged into my faith that He had a plan for me and I just needed to get out of His way so that He could work in my life. God is truly so good and so faithful. He answered my prayers almost immediately. He reassured me that all the hopes, dreams and desires of my heart were valid and He didn't expect me to give those up. He truly wanted those things for me and there was someone out there that wanted those same things, too. Once I heard that message, I knew I had to let go of the relationship. I had to stop trying to make it be something it wasn't. God had other plans for me.
Putting God in charge...
From the time He faithfully told me not to give up on my dreams, I have actively let God lead my life. It isn't always easy to sit back and wait on the Lord and sometimes it is hard to do what He asks of you. But truly, His strength is my strength, and He is always there when I falter, to take my hand and even carry me if necessary. He has led me through all of these life changes to a point of tremendous blessing and I find myself now in a place of joy and happiness. In April, I married the true love of my life, a man who could not be more different than me in so many ways but is my perfect match. A hard-working, God-fearing man full of honor and character, deep love and fierce protection over friends and family, I am so proud to be his wife. I also gained a beautiful step-daughter and my dream of being a mom has come true!
What's next...
As we build our life together, we look forward to selling both of our houses and buying a rural country homestead soon.
The trigger...
You know, there always is a trigger or two that creates these big shake-down moments and seasons in our lives. It might seem strange, but for me, it started the moment I had my PCA done. Prior to that, I knew I was deeply unhappy with life in general but could not really pinpoint the cause of my unhappiness. So, I started searching for answers by doing something I had always wanted to do. No matter where you are in life, it can never hurt to take an opportunity to cross something off of the bucket list, right? I had always wanted to be draped to know my season, and I'm so grateful I chose to have that done. I let the results marinate for about two weeks and came away with the realization that I truly had been hiding from myself, even trying to BE someone else at times. The person that had been living in the soft, muted or pastel colors didn't really exist. And the truth was, no one else could really see me, either. I had been content to play a supporting role in my own life rather than be the leading lady; with that realization came disgust at myself, followed promptly by full immersion in everything Bright Winter. My mood lifted dramatically and I radiated in the glow of the comments coming my way left and right. I felt beautiful, confident, and capable to tackle anything, including making major life changes. It is hard to imagine how the simple act of changing the colors of one’s clothing and makeup can bring out such courage. I think Christine Scaman says it best in this post.
“If I drew my life on a timeline, many of the important sightings of what I could expect from myself were coincident with appearance changes that brought my real self into view. Those were the breakthrough times. Once I could see myself clearly, I finally knew what I could do. Presumably from the reaction, others see it too, indeed long before I ever did.”
Letting go...
As I said, I really didn’t know all the reasons for my unhappiness, but I decided that I wasn't going to blindly be unhappy anymore. I was ready to figure out the problems and fix them. I knew I was struggling in my relationship at the time. We couldn't seem to agree on the type of life we wanted which caused the relationship not to grow. Things had reached a point of stagnation and complacency where neither one of us brought up the subject. I knew I wasn't living the kind of life I wanted long-term, but I didn't necessarily know how to fix it. Finally, I gave control over to God and plugged into my faith that He had a plan for me and I just needed to get out of His way so that He could work in my life. God is truly so good and so faithful. He answered my prayers almost immediately. He reassured me that all the hopes, dreams and desires of my heart were valid and He didn't expect me to give those up. He truly wanted those things for me and there was someone out there that wanted those same things, too. Once I heard that message, I knew I had to let go of the relationship. I had to stop trying to make it be something it wasn't. God had other plans for me.
Putting God in charge...
From the time He faithfully told me not to give up on my dreams, I have actively let God lead my life. It isn't always easy to sit back and wait on the Lord and sometimes it is hard to do what He asks of you. But truly, His strength is my strength, and He is always there when I falter, to take my hand and even carry me if necessary. He has led me through all of these life changes to a point of tremendous blessing and I find myself now in a place of joy and happiness. In April, I married the true love of my life, a man who could not be more different than me in so many ways but is my perfect match. A hard-working, God-fearing man full of honor and character, deep love and fierce protection over friends and family, I am so proud to be his wife. I also gained a beautiful step-daughter and my dream of being a mom has come true!
What's next...
As we build our life together, we look forward to selling both of our houses and buying a rural country homestead soon.
